Best Lawyer Jokes and Cartoons

Life’s Short. Get a Divorce.

Look for Meaning No Further

In law school, time is meaningless;
But in time, law school is meaningless.

~ Anonymous graffiti on law school restroom wall.

12 Sexy Pickup Lines for Lawyers

Let’s adjourn to the bedroom.
I’m going to sue the pants off you.
You want to approach the bench and badger my witness?
Girl, you’re testi-fine.
Nice rebuttal.
I need someone to look through these briefs.
You’re so fine you make my whole courtroom out of order.
The prosecution can rest … at my place tonight.
Are you pro-bono or just happy to see me?
Just be who you are. I’m not the one to judge.
What better alibi could you have than spending the night with me?
Girl, I can sustain an objection for almost four hours.

Perfecting One-sided Arguments

District Attorney: Judge, I would object to Counsel’s characterization of this disagreement. He is giving a one-sided view.

Judge: Of course he is. That is what you expect from a trial attorney.

(from an actual court transcript)

Random Enforcement is Our Motto!

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

~ Frank Zappa

Seven Years For A Busted Mirror?

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

~ Stephen Wright