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District Attorney: Judge, I would object to Counsel’s characterization of this disagreement. He is giving a one-sided view. Judge: Of course he is. That is what you expect from a trial attorney. (from an actual court transcript)
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
~ Stephen Wright
A young lawyer, defending a businessman in a lawsuit, feared the worst. He asked a senior partner whether he ought to send the judge a box of Havana cigars. “The judge is an honourable man”, the horrified partner exclaimed. If you do, I guarantee you’ll lose the case!” The judge eventually ruled in favor of the young lawyer’s client. “ Aren’t you glad you didn’t send those cigars?” the senior partner asked. “I did send them,” the lawyer said. “I just enclosed the opposition’s business card.”
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