A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
~ Robert Frost
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“It’s Medieval Times Week here at the courthouse, so I’m afraid that instead of getting probation, you’ll be drawn and quartered.”
Taking his seat in chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. “I have been presented by both of you with a bribe,” the judge began. Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “You, Attorney Leoni, gave me $15,000. And you, Attorney Campos, gave me $10,000.” The judge reached in his pocket a pulled out a check, which he handed to Leoni. “Now, then, I’m returning $5,000, and we are going to decide this case solely on its merits.”
In the future, please say “I object” rather than “that’s total bullshit.”
Lawyer: “Judge, I wish to appeal my client’s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence.” Judge: “And what is the nature of the new evidence?” Lawyer: “Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left.”
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