Dirty Lawyer Jokes « Best Lawyer Jokes and Cartoons

Life’s Short. Get a Divorce.

12 Sexy Pickup Lines for Lawyers

Let’s adjourn to the bedroom.
I’m going to sue the pants off you.
You want to approach the bench and badger my witness?
Girl, you’re testi-fine.
Nice rebuttal.
I need someone to look through these briefs.
You’re so fine you make my whole courtroom out of order.
The prosecution can rest … at my place tonight.
Are you pro-bono or just happy to see me?
Just be who you are. I’m not the one to judge.
What better alibi could you have than spending the night with me?
Girl, I can sustain an objection for almost four hours.

Love-triangle Brawl Leads to Trial Judge Suspension

A Wal-Mart brawl with the new lover of his estranged wife led the Arkansas Supreme Court to suspend a trial judge for 30 days in October. On April 5th police were called in to intervene when a spat between the two men escalated into a scuffle that sent them down on the floor on April 5th. The fight started when Circuit Judge Sam Pope of Hamburg, Ark., spotted his estranged wife and her new admirer, identified as Bill Murray, in the Crossett, Ark., Wal-Mart and the two exchanged words eventually calling each other “ass-hole” and throwing punches. The state’s high court suspended the judge for misconduct and ordered him to attend anger management classes.

10 More Dirty Legal Phrases

Pocket part
Poll the jury
Hardened criminal element
Mount a brief inquiry
Firm offer
Dry hole provision
A split decision by a hung jury
Attractive nuisance
Clipped sovereignty
Model penal code

I Wish Lawyer Would…

Q. What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?

A. Stick his bill up his ass.

Where Do You Think Lawyers Come From?

An anxious 15 year old girl comes home from school and asks mom a burning question. Mom, she starts tentatively, can you get pregnant from anal sex? “Don’t be silly sweetheart, of course you can.” replies her mother, “Where do you think lawyers come from?”

Best Lawyer Jokes and Cartoons