Perfecting One-sided Arguments

District Attorney:  Judge, I would object to Counsel’s characterization of this disagreement.  He is giving a one-sided view.

Judge:  Of course he is.  That is what you expect from a trial attorney.

(from an actual court transcript)

I Wish Lawyer Would…

Q. What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?

A. Stick his bill up his ass.

What’s The Trampoline For?

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

A: You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.

How Was Copper Wire Invented?

Q:  How was copper wire invented?

A:  Two lawyers arguing over a penny.

Not Your Average Pit Bull With Lipstick

Q: What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?

A: Jewelry.

Mutually Assured Destruction

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.