Life’s Short. Get a Divorce.

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Look for Meaning No Further

In law school, time is meaningless;
But in time, law school is meaningless.

~ Anonymous graffiti on law school restroom wall.

12 Sexy Pickup Lines for Lawyers

Naughty Lawyer

  1. Let’s adjourn to the bedroom.
  2. I’m going to sue the pants off you.
  3. You want to approach the bench and badger my witness?
  4. Girl, you’re testi-fine.
  5. Nice rebuttal.
  6. I need someone to look through these briefs.
  7. You’re so fine you make my whole courtroom out of order.
  8. The prosecution can rest … at my place tonight.
  9. Are you pro-bono or just happy to see me?
  10. Just be who you are.  I’m not the one to judge.
  11. What better alibi could you have than spending the night with me?
  12. Girl, I can sustain an objection for almost four hours.

Perfecting One-sided Arguments

District Attorney:  Judge, I would object to Counsel’s characterization of this disagreement.  He is giving a one-sided view.

Judge:  Of course he is.  That is what you expect from a trial attorney.

(from an actual court transcript)

Playing Dirty

A young lawyer, defending a businessman in a lawsuit, feared the worst. He asked a senior partner whether he ought to send the judge a box of Havana cigars. “The judge is an honourable man”, the horrified partner exclaimed. If you do, I guarantee you’ll lose the case!” The judge eventually ruled in favor of the young lawyer’s client. “ Aren’t you glad you didn’t send those cigars?” the senior partner asked. “I did send them,” the lawyer said. “I just enclosed the opposition’s business card.”

Victim of a Car Crash? Here is What You Do…

Beware of who you get your legal advice from following a car crash.  Earlier this year, the Manhattan federal court accepted a guilty plea from a New York attorney for conspiring to defraud a health care benefit provider.  According to a press release, Jeffrey Squitieri, of Englewood Cliffs, N.J., was arrested while coaching an alleged car accident victim to commit health insurance fraud.  He didn’t know the supposed victim was an undercover agent as he urged the agent to make multiple doctor visits and undergo unnecessary procedures. That was the latest of legal problems for Suitieri who was disbarred last year for converting client funds from an escrow account.