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District Attorney: Judge, I would object to Counsel’s characterization of this disagreement. He is giving a one-sided view. Judge: Of course he is. That is what you expect from a trial attorney. (from an actual court transcript)
A young lawyer, defending a businessman in a lawsuit, feared the worst. He asked a senior partner whether he ought to send the judge a box of Havana cigars. “The judge is an honourable man”, the horrified partner exclaimed. If you do, I guarantee you’ll lose the case!” The judge eventually ruled in favor of the young lawyer’s client. “ Aren’t you glad you didn’t send those cigars?” the senior partner asked. “I did send them,” the lawyer said. “I just enclosed the opposition’s business card.”
Beware of who you get your legal advice from following a car crash. Earlier this year, the Manhattan federal court accepted a guilty plea from a New York attorney for conspiring to defraud a health care benefit provider. According to a press release, Jeffrey Squitieri, of Englewood Cliffs, N.J., was arrested while coaching an alleged car accident victim to commit health insurance fraud. He didn’t know the supposed victim was an undercover agent as he urged the agent to make multiple doctor visits and undergo unnecessary procedures. That was the latest of legal problems for Suitieri who was disbarred last year for converting client funds from an escrow account.
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