Divorce Lawyer Quotations

A divorce lawyer is a chameleon with a law book.

~Marvin Mitchelson

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

~ Jean Kerr

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

~ Cary Grant

10 More Dirty Legal Phrases

  1. Pocket part
  2. Poll the jury
  3. Hardened criminal element
  4. Mount a brief inquiry
  5. Firm offer
  6. Dry hole provision
  7. A split decision by a hung jury
  8. Attractive nuisance
  9. Clipped sovereignty
  10. Model penal code

Accomplice at Law

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.

I Wish Lawyer Would…

Q. What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?

A. Stick his bill up his ass.

Proof of Satisfactory Character Required

The requirements for admission to practice law include completion of general education at the university level; completion of a three-year postgraduate law school curriculum; passing a two- or three-day written bar examination; and proof of satisfactory character, the latter requirement being minimal.

~ G.C. Hazard Jr. and Michele Taruffo
“American Civil Procedure” 1993

You Can’t Take It All With You Or Can You?

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. “Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me.”

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, “I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.”

“Well, since we’re confiding in each other,” said the doctor, “I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000.”

The lawyer was aghast. “I’m ashamed of both of you,” he exclaimed. “I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000.”